We have all experienced the feeling of being wronged by someone or having wronged a person close to us, even a loved one. This can happen right to our faces, whether behind our backs by common acquaintances or using social media to slander our good name.
That feeling of anger or utter disbelief wells up inside of you, totally infuriated by the whole situation, and you make an immediate judgment against the person.
Many people feel the urge to retaliate with equal or even greater harm after being wronged. I’ve been there, and as the old saying goes, “Fight fire with fire.” But responding to an attack with the same kind of aggression only fuels the conflict—it’s rarely the wisest or most constructive path forward.
The real question is—does retaliation ever truly solve the problem? Have you ever felt better after doing the same thing someone else did to hurt you? I know I haven’t. In fact, it usually leaves me feeling worse. There’s a reason we hear the phrase, “Two wrongs don’t make a right.” Returning a wrong with another wrong doesn’t bring healing or resolution—it only deepens the hurt. True peace comes from rising above the urge to get even.
Paul instructs us in Ephesians 4: 26-27 that “In your anger do not sin” Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”(NIV)
By holding on to anger and negative emotions, we only hurt ourselves. As you toss and turn, unable to sleep over whatever upset you, odds are the person you’re directing all of that energy towards couldn’t care less how you feel.
Jesus has given us a way to handle this; it’s pretty simple to apply.
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” James 1: 19-20 (NIV)
Righteousness
What does Jesus mean about the righteousness of God? Righteous means to be morally upright without sin. It’s the quality of a condition of being pure and we all fall short of the righteousness of God, “for we have all sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23. (NIV)
The idea here is that we all fall short—we have sinned and will continue to stumble. But our goal is to pursue a righteous life by following Jesus’ teachings throughout the Bible. Though we won’t reach His perfect standard, we strive to live in a way that reflects His righteousness and grace.
Jesus calls us to love one another as He has loved us—and forgiveness is one of the clearest expressions of that love. When we forgive, we’re choosing selfless love over bitterness or revenge. Jesus gave us the ultimate example of this when He sacrificed His life on the cross, paying the highest price for our salvation.
Even in His suffering, He extended forgiveness to those who wronged Him. Remember His powerful words on the cross: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”Luke 23:34 (ESV) He calls us to reflect that kind of grace in our lives.
When we forgive, we consciously extend mercy even though it may be extremely difficult. By offering this selfless love to another, we are taking steps in the right direction and moving toward righteousness.
How does Jesus Feel about Judging Others?
Jesus does not mince words here; He gets right to the point in Mathew 7:1-2. He says this about judging others;
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you”. (NIV)
The word Jesus used for “judge” can mean to condemn, punish, avenge, or conclude. It also implies discernment. Jesus encourages us to treat others as we hope God will treat us.
Paul writes in Romans 14: 10-12 . “But why do you judge your brother? Or why do you show contempt for your brother? For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ” (NKJV)
I don’t know about you, but when I’m face to face with Jesus on judgment day, I wholeheartedly do not want to be judged in the manner in which I have judged others in the past.
Can you imagine standing in front of Jesus and trying to explain how you’ve judged others?
There’s no better time than right now, today, to forgive anyone and everyone from your past and present that you determined to have wronged you and repent for your actions.
Consider 1 Colossians 3:13: “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (NIV) We must never forget that Jesus sacrificed His life for our sins to be forgiven. He paid the ultimate price to set us free; I think we can forgive others who may have hurt our feelings.
You may not think of all the people you have judged, but as they come to mind, offer forgiveness and just let it go. “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”Ephesians 4:32 (ESV).
How Can We Forgive Those Who Have Hurt Us but Have Not Apologized or Shown Any Regret?
One of the primary reasons forgiveness can be so difficult is the intense pain caused by past offenses. When someone has been deeply hurt through betrayal, physical/mental abuse, or personal loss, the path to forgiveness can feel insurmountable. The pain may linger for years, making it difficult to let go of the resentment and anger you hold in your heart.
Our pain from our past creates a deep fear of being hurt again and often makes forgiveness seem impossible. Holding on to past memories is a form of self-protection; it’s a natural instinct, but it can trap us in bitterness and prevent healing. To forgive as Jesus forgave requires courage, letting go of the fear of being hurt again and embracing freedom, peace and ultimately reconciliation.
Keep in mind that Satan is the prince of this world and exerts enormous influence on the minds, hearts, and actions of those who have not surrendered to Jesus. Satan’s influence causes lifelong scars and mental, physical, and emotional distress for many people.
2 Corinthians 4:4; “The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.”(NIV)
It’s important to remember that forgiveness prevents bitterness, anger, and hatred from consuming our lives. Ultimately, unforgiveness is a sin against God.
Forgiveness Requires Patience and Humility
We need patience to trust that God will set everything right on judgment day and that justice will prevail.
As forgiven followers of Jesus, we didn’t receive the justice we deserved. Instead, Jesus took on the just punishment for our sins, and in return, we were given the gift of salvation and His righteousness.
“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast” Ephesians 2:8-9 (ESV).
Through God’s grace, we are redeemed. Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross paid the ransom price to set us sinners free from the bondage of sin. Grace is God’s favor and kindness toward us even though we don’t deserve it. How amazing is that!
God knows that our human minds have trouble forgetting offenses and hurts. Still, when we consider that we have often hurt others and are likely to do so again, we are humbled to forgive. Un-forgiveness is a form of pride, judging others when we most likely have our issues to consider.
Forgiveness is a God-given gift that cleanses our souls. It allows our brain to stop replaying over and over the negative images and destructive emotions causing so much unhealthy stress. I had an issue with this, I constantly ran issues through my mind and it was a such a blessing to find that forgiveness lifts the burden from your mind and soul.
Does Jesus Say We Can Never Judge Others?
When Jesus says, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged,” He is not saying that all judgment is wrong. He is calling us to a higher standard of how we relate to one another—a standard marked by grace, humility, and compassion. Consider this parable about the speck and plank in the eye Mathew 7: 3-5;
“And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” (NKJV)
“Jesus indicates that the person with the plank in his own eye would not immediately be aware of it. He is blind to his obvious fault. It is the attempt to correct the fault of someone else when we have the same (or more significant fault) that earns the accusation, “Hypocrite!”” (enduringword.com)
In the last line, Jesus instructs us to self-reflect. We must work on ourselves before we can even think about judging or correcting what we perceive as wrong with others.
Through meditation and self-reflection, we recognize and acknowledge our failures. Addressing my own issues, I found this process to be humbling, but ultimately, it was incredibly beneficial in helping me identify the areas I needed to improve. Take the time to reflect—you’ll be glad you did.
We all know life is messy, but Jesus wants all His followers to experience healthy, loving relationships. From my experience, pointing out others’ mistakes before our own is way easier.
Before we can correct others, we need to seek God’s wisdom and knowledge to discern when to correct someone or when to hold back. The only way to receive this knowledge is through daily reading the word of God. There are plenty of ways to read scripture. If you don’t have a Bible, there are websites like bible.com (which also has an app) that will do the job.
The Golden Rule
We’ve all heard of the “Golden Rule,” it’s rather simple to put into practice. Jesus gives us this simple but powerful verse; “Do to others as you would have them do to you.”Luke 6:31 (NIV)
How would following the “Golden Rule” change how we judge others? Ask yourself: How do I want people to approach me when I’ve dropped the ball? We’ve all been in that situation; it’s definitely worth some self-reflection.
When you have inadvertently wronged someone, would you want them to approach you in a kind, loving manner, or would you prefer they go behind your back, talk to others, or post online about you?
Imagine what the world would be like if everyone treated their neighbor with fairness, kindness, generosity, and love rather than attempting to figure out who is good or bad, wrong or right. Think about how much better your life would be if you chose to love one another as you want to be loved.
Summary
It is my hope and prayer that this post has helped you gain a deeper understanding of how important forgiveness is to God. When we choose to forgive, we open the door to healing, peace, and reconciliation—not only with God but also with those who need our forgiveness.
Forgiveness isn’t always easy, especially when the wounds run deep. But never forget—it was God who first forgave us through the sacrifice of Jesus, His one and only Son. His love for us inspires us to extend grace and compassion to others. And just as important, it releases your mind, body, and soul from the stress, anxiety, and heaviness that come from holding on to bitterness.
Our ultimate goal is to get along with all people, pursuing unity, understanding, and harmony. When we live this way, we become a reflection of God’s heart and His desire for reconciliation in every area of our lives.
If you’re struggling with forgiveness, I encourage you to talk with your pastor or a trusted elder who can offer sound, biblical wisdom and walk you through it. And if you don’t currently attend church regularly, that’s okay—maybe it’s this very moment that God is drawing you back to the community, where you can heal and experience the love of Christ through others.
When we walk in forgiveness, we become agents of healing in a world marked by division and pain.
God Bless!
Citations
Scripture quotations taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version® NIV®
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Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
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Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.