Over the years, I’ve heard the term reconciliation or the need to be reconciled early on in my walk with Jesus; it would come up in sermons or in something I read in the Bible. Back then, it wasn’t my priority to dig into the Word, but once the Spirit nudged me, I started to understand what Scripture was saying—how it guides and instructs us in how we are to live.
When I finally took a closer look at reconciliation, the more I read, the more I noticed how often it’s referred to and how important it is to restore what’s broken in relationships. Reconciliation ties closely to forgiveness, highlights the need for repentance, and points to healing deep-seated wounds.
Forgiveness is the starting point; without it, there can be no reconciliation. Most everyone has heard of and knows the Lord’s Prayer. Still, I would venture to guess that many do not realize the significance of the following two verses. Consider what Jesus said: Matthew 6:14-15 .
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (NIV)
If we do not forgive others, we are committing a sin, and we must repent and forgive to be reconciled with God.
The restoration of broken relationships is not only between individuals; we must also restore our relationship with God. A great example of God’s reconciliation is Romans 5:10, in which God reconciles us to Himself through Jesus.
“For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!”(NIV)
Here’s the good news: Reconciliation is a free gift offered to anyone who trusts in Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. Through His suffering, death, burial, and resurrection, Jesus gave us complete salvation and the gift of eternal life. What an incredible gift we’ve been given.
As you can see, the importance of forgiveness toward one another is not just a suggestion; it’s a command from God. There’s no way around it. We also learn that we have been reconciled through the sacrifice of Christ; in turn, we are to reconcile with those we have wronged or anyone who has wronged us.
Mathew 5:23-24 gives us some clarity on how important reconciliation is to God.
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”(NIV)
It doesn’t get any clearer than that: God loves us so much that He would rather we pause our gifts and make things right with each other first. He cares deeply about forgiveness and reconciliation, especially between brothers and sisters in Christ.
What about Toxic people?
Many Christians have the wrong idea. We believe that to be Christ-like, we need to be accepting of other people in our lives, even though their presence is toxic and possibly harmful. I’m pretty sure we all know someone or have crossed paths with someone who just rubs us the wrong way.
Are we supposed to be there for them no matter how it affects our lives? We may think to ourselves that if we follow Jesus’ teachings, hopefully God will change them, or He might use us, through the Holy Spirit, to help this toxic individual “see the light.”
Are you one of those out there who believe that staying away from certain people who rub us the wrong way is rejecting them? You can rest assured you’re okay. Jesus commanded all His followers to be wise, including coping with specific individuals in our lives. Consider Mathew 10:16;
“I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore, be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.”(NIV)
Jesus honestly warned His disciples that they would face persecution, and, in the same way, we would encounter toxic people. It’s just a matter of time before we find ourselves face-to-face with a toxic person. Jesus taught His followers not to defend themselves with toxic words or harmful actions. We are to remain harmless as doves, though wise as serpents, in dealing with certain people.
What does wise as a serpent mean? It’s an expression. Jesus used these types of references in many parables. Snakes will steer clear of danger and are wise in choosing when to stay around and when to leave a situation (dive under a rock). Be as wise in discerning those who are up to no good.
Remember that even though you are wise enough to recognize a person’s evil intentions, that doesn’t mean you react negatively. Be as wise as them, but be humble! I hope that makes sense to you!
Proverbs 26:4 (NIV) provides some practical advice on how to respond to a toxic individual: “Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be just like him.”This wise saying tells us that if we act like fools, we become fools—don’t become a toxic person yourself.
Even though we have to watch ourselves to make sure we do not become fools, James instructs us that it is still a good thing to try to help a toxic person turn away from the wrongs they think are right. James 5:19-20
“My brothers and sisters, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring that person back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of their way will save them from death and cover over a multitude of sins.”(NIV)
Pray for Them
Jesus instructs us to “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Every person deserves a chance at redemption. We are to do our best to reach out to them, especially if they are members of our family. If you’ve made several attempts to reach out to them but are not having any luck, now is the time to step away, and if you haven’t already done so, pray for them.
Don’t hate the person; pray for them. Staying away from a toxic person doesn’t mean we are hateful toward them or are trying to hurt their feelings. Most of the time, we stay away from toxic people so that we aren’t potentially being influenced negatively by them.
Jesus does warn us of the dangers of a toxic person’s influence. Mathew 18:6;
“If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.”(NIV)
When Jesus refers to “little ones,” he means those young in faith, those who are just beginning their walk with Him and can be easily influenced.
Our hope through prayer is that they receive and accept salvation in Christ Jesus. We can prayerfully try to convince them of the dangers of sins they may not know they’re committing.
If you lack the spiritual strength to deal with a toxic person, it’s best to stay away and work on your spiritual growth. Step back and pray for the individual, allowing God to do good work in their lives. You never really know, but God might open a door for you to try again with them in the future.
Shake off the Dust
There are times when God calls us to remain strong and patiently give our testimony to a toxic friend or family member. There may also be times when the Holy Spirit prompts us to continue until we see results from our testimony.
When a toxic person attacks us, we don’t have to argue or continue to participate. There are times when God will give us the freedom to move on. Once we’ve done all we can, Jesus tells us to “shake the dust off your feet.”
Jesus also advised what to do if the town was toxic: Mark 6:11 “And if any place will not welcome you or listen to you, leave that place and shake the dust off your feet as a testimony against them.”(NIV)
This is a pretty damning statement from Jesus about the people who were given the truth about our savior but rejected it. We see here that anyone who rejects God’s truth will in no way be allowed to hinder the advancement of the gospel. Shake off the dust — move on and continue to be a blessing to those you meet.
A great example of “shake the dust off” is when Paul was preaching the good news in a synagogue to a large crowd of Jews and Gentiles. Some of the Jewish leaders harassed and stirred up persecution because he included the Gentiles in the message. But Paul pointed them back to Isaiah 49:6:“…I will also make you a light for the Gentiles, that my salvation may reach to the ends of the earth.”(NIV)
The Gentiles were very happy as “they began rejoicing and glorifying the word of the Lord.” Acts 13:48 (ESV). However, the leaders were extremely upset and expelled them from their region. Paul knew that salvation through Christ wasn’t just for one group but for everyone. So what did Paul do? “So they shook the dust off their feet as a warning to them and went to Iconium.”Acts 13:51 (NIV)
This idea is the same as our modern phrase, “I wash my hands of it.” When the apostles were instructed to shake the dust off their feet, it was symbolic, meaning they had done all that could be done in a toxic situation and had no further responsibility for it. We must let it go and move on confidently, knowing you’ve done everything possible
Joseph and His Brothers
A great Old Testament example of forgiveness and reconciliation is the story of Joseph and his brothers in Genesis 37-45 (ESV). Joseph was the favored youngest son of Jacob (Israel). When he was around seventeen, he had a dream that led him to believe he would rule over the entire family (Genesis 37:5–11).
Upon hearing about the dream, his brothers hated him so much that they planned to kill him, but they decided to sell him into slavery. Eventually, Joseph was sold to an Egyptian named Potiphar, who served as captain of Pharaoh’s guard.
God was always with Joseph, and as time passed, he excelled in his service and was appointed overseer of the house of Potiphar.
Genesis 39: 5; “And it came to pass from the time that he had made him overseer in his house, and over all that he had, that the Lord blessed the Egyptian’s house for Joseph’s sake; and the blessing of the Lord was upon all that he had in the house, and in the field.”(KJV)
Joseph landed in prison through no fault of his own—but even there, God’s grace didn’t leave him. Just like with Potiphar, Joseph found favor with those in charge. Genesis 39:22 (NIV) tells us, “So the warden put Joseph in charge of all those held in the prison, and he was made responsible for all that was done there.” Even in a place like a prison, God was still working out His bigger plan.
While in prison, two high-ranking servants of Pharaoh’s house were thrown into prison, and they asked Joseph to interpret their dreams. Joseph gave them the interpretations, which came to pass. One of the servants was released and could return to his previous position as the king’s cup-bearer, but the other servant was killed just as Joseph predicted (Genesis 40:1-23).
Hearing Joseph could interpret dreams, Pharaoh called for Joseph, and he described his dreams. With the inspiration of God, Joseph gave the interpretation that revealed there would be seven years of plenty followed by seven years of famine in Egypt.
Pharaoh was so pleased with the interpretation that, over time, Joseph was elevated to the highest office under the crown. Genesis 41: 43; “He had him ride in a chariot as his second-in-command, and people shouted before him, “Make way!” Thus, he put him in charge of the whole land of Egypt.”(NIV)
Joseph stored up huge quantities of grain, and as Joseph predicted, the famine began seven years later. Being out of food, Jacob sent ten of his sons to Egypt to buy grain during the famine (Genesis 42:1-4), But he kept Benjamin home.
When the brothers met Joseph, they did not recognize him, but he recognized them. Long story short, Joseph tested his brothers; he gave them grain and kept one brother back, requesting they bring the 12th son to prove they were not lying that they had another brother.
The 12th son was Benjamin, the youngest of the brothers. Benjamin was Jacob’s favorite, along with Joseph, but because he thought Joseph was dead, he held tightly to Benjamin.
Eventually, the famine forced Jacob to send his children back to Egypt, and Judah convinced his father to send Benjamin with them. (Genesis 43:1-10)
When they arrived, Joseph tested them again and accused Benjamin of theft, but Judah offered his life in his place. Upon seeing this evidence of love for Benjamin, Joseph knew that his brothers had changed.
Genesis 44: 33-34; “Now then, please let your servant remain here as my lord’s slave in place of the boy, and let the boy return with his brothers. How can I go back to my father if the boy is not with me? No! Do not let me see the misery that would come on my father.”(NIV)
Then, he revealed his identity to his brothers. They were shocked and afraid of retaliation because of what they had done to him many years before. (Genesis 45:1-8)
Joseph forgave his brothers and told them God overruled their evil act for good even though they betrayed him. God’s spirit filled Joseph’s heart with forgiveness.
Genesis 50:19-20; “But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”(NIV)
Joseph’s brothers told Jacob that he had been mauled by wild animals when they sold him into slavery. The cool part here is that Joseph was reunited with his beloved father, Jacob, and he blessed Joseph and his sons.
The story of Joseph teaches the righteousness of forgiveness. God promoted Joseph to be second in command over Egypt. Still, he forgave his brothers and did not act with vengeance or hate them for their wicked acts.
Through God’s grace, Joseph could have mercy, forgive his brothers, and be reconciled with them. Can you imagine going through all the trials and tribulations that Joseph did and still being able to forgive? Amazing!
Summary
Reconciliation is a central theme throughout the Bible that emphasizes restoring broken relationships between God and humanity and between individuals. Our reconciliation with God starts with our faith in Jesus Christ and extends to our relationships with others.
To be reconciled with others, we must first offer forgiveness, repentance, and love. Forgivenessallows us to let go of all past wrongs, just as God forgives us through Jesus’ sacrifice.
God calls us to repent and turn away from our sins and seek to restore our broken relationships. God’s love for us is the foundation for our desire to extend grace and compassion to others.
Our ultimate goal is to pursueunity with all people, seeking to live in peace, understanding, and harmony. Living this way reflects God’s heart and desire for reconciliation in our lives and communities.
God Bless!
Citations
Scripture quotations taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version® NIV®
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Scripture quotations from The Authorized (King James) Version. Rights in the Authorized Version in the United Kingdom are vested in the Crown. Reproduced by permission of the Crown’s patentee, Cambridge University Press
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